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Gowonㅣㅐㅍㄷ

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Okay I will just say it... I have anorexia. I'm 79lbs and 4"10 at 14. I most definitely have depression. When I see a knife all I can think about is that I could stab my self on the spot, and all my worries would go away. I don't have visible scars but sadly I have done bad things to myself. In my house I am a spec of dust. My mom is so focused on my sister all the time. My grades aren't good enough, my looks, my personality. There is nothing good about me in my moms eyes. She is the main reason I hate my self and everybone in my body. But I still wake up everyday, and look in the mirror. Get on my zoom class and act normal in front of everyone. Yes, I do look happy if you look at me. But I have been doing that "happy" face for so long you would never know. Tbh I could easily ki my self. I have everything I need. No, I haven't done it because I'm scared. Its because i have one person in this world who has told me to my face "Well, I love you" and you know who that is? Its Bang Chan. At 2019 Miroh fan sign. I said "Yeah my mom doesn't really love me that much. Buts it is what it is" and he said "Well, I love you" that is why I am here today. Yes ma'am. But I could take those pills, I could tie that rope. But I haven't done it, yet.


I'm crying writing this. Thank you for reading

Hope it makes sense
 

lynch.

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Okay I will just say it... I have anorexia. I'm 79lbs and 4"10 at 14. I most definitely have depression. When I see a knife all I can think about is that I could stab my self on the spot, and all my worries would go away. I don't have visible scars but sadly I have done bad things to myself. In my house I am a spec of dust. My mom is so focused on my sister all the time. My grades aren't good enough, my looks, my personality. There is nothing good about me in my moms eyes. She is the main reason I hate my self and every bone in my body. But I still wake up everyday, and look in the mirror. Get on my zoom class and act normal in front of everyone. Yes, I do look happy if you look at me. But I have been doing that "happy" face for so long you would never know. Tbh I could easily ki my self. I have everything I need. No, I haven't done it because I'm scared. Its because i have one person in this world who has told me to my face "Well, I love you" and you know who that is? Its Bang Chan. At 2019 Miroh fan sign. I said "Yeah my mom doesn't really love me that much. Buts it is what it is" and he said "Well, I love you" that is why I am here today. Yes ma'am. But I could take those pills, I could tie that rope. But I haven't done it, yet.


I'm crying writing this. Thank you for reading

Hope it makes sense
im so sorry. im always here if you need to talk or vent. i want to help you as much as i can because you've proven yourself to be a nice caring person. stay safe please <3
 

Gowonㅣㅐㅍㄷ

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its 2:46 and I I'm watching lovesick girls over and over again and I keep crying at the end and Jisoo's lines. I have no mental strength at the moment so that's nice.
 

Hwa_ChaeMing

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So my best friend’s birthday was this past week. Her parents are coming by to drop off a cake and pick up her present but apparently she’s not coming. I always thought if there one person who’ll always care, it was her. But I guess she doesn’t. I guess I’m not worth her time.
 

saaylhy

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hi, here i am again

im here because i feel like my relationship is falling apart, we havent spoke to each other a lot and if we do it's just one worded replies. I overthink a lot and now im scared
does she know that I used to like one of my friends, does she know that I confessed to them not too long ago?
I feel so disgusting for confessing while I'm in a relationship, but that person is stuck in my head and im scared to tell her. What will happen?
so I will keep it to myself, I will keep these feelings of love and loss to myself. I dont wanna lose another lover so I will just be quiet
forgive me.
i- okayyyy i'm not hereee
 

GowonMINT(locked out of other)

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low-key my life is a joke to everyone in the small ads Rhode Island. Like, I posted on my snap and my phone was blowing. I thought people were liking my picture... But no its was the pranker and my old friends commenting the most hateful things a human could think of. I went through another fit. Banging my head against a pillow (Thanks Tara for the advice) and I almost did something would have regret. But its 3 pm and I haven't ate yet and I don't think I will. But they are just blowing up my phone with hateful comments and I'm done. I'm so fxcking done with it. What will I do next? We'll see.
 

ImJustKpopTrash

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I feel so lost, to be honest, my best friend got a boyfriend and I'm happy for her I really am but it just reminds me of how I used to be happy with my ex-girlfriend and how I'll not have something like that for a long time. My best friend was the person who was holding me together and now I don't have her either. What am I supposed to do, I feel so lonely all the time. It sucks it really sucks and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even really feel sad anymore I just feel so lonely and empty. I feel like nobody really cares about me anymore. Nobody tries to help me anymore. I'm just alone with my thoughts most of the time. I just try so hard to hide it behind meaningless jokes and empty smiles, every day is a chore and I'm so tired of it. I've suffered from Social Anxiety and Depression since I was so young that I don't know a life without it anymore and yet nobody I know seems to care or respect how I feel. For once I wish someone would just listen instead of telling me I'm being stupid.
 

GowonMINT(locked out of other)

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I feel so lost, to be honest, my best friend got a boyfriend and I'm happy for her I really am but it just reminds me of how I used to be happy with my ex-girlfriend and how I'll not have something like that for a long time. My best friend was the person who was holding me together and now I don't have her either. What am I supposed to do, I feel so lonely all the time. It sucks it really sucks and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even really feel sad anymore I just feel so lonely and empty. I feel like nobody really cares about me anymore. Nobody tries to help me anymore. I'm just alone with my thoughts most of the time. I just try so hard to hide it behind meaningless jokes and empty smiles, every day is a chore and I'm so tired of it. I've suffered from Social Anxiety and Depression since I was so young that I don't know a life without it anymore and yet nobody I know seems to care or respect how I feel. For once I wish someone would just listen instead of telling me I'm being stupid.
You have us!! If you ever need to talk my PM's are open even if I don't know you
 

saaylhy

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I feel so lost, to be honest, my best friend got a boyfriend and I'm happy for her I really am but it just reminds me of how I used to be happy with my ex-girlfriend and how I'll not have something like that for a long time. My best friend was the person who was holding me together and now I don't have her either. What am I supposed to do, I feel so lonely all the time. It sucks it really sucks and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even really feel sad anymore I just feel so lonely and empty. I feel like nobody really cares about me anymore. Nobody tries to help me anymore. I'm just alone with my thoughts most of the time. I just try so hard to hide it behind meaningless jokes and empty smiles, every day is a chore and I'm so tired of it. I've suffered from Social Anxiety and Depression since I was so young that I don't know a life without it anymore and yet nobody I know seems to care or respect how I feel. For once I wish someone would just listen instead of telling me I'm being stupid.
feel free to talk to me.
 

taesshlong

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Minisode1 : Blue Hour
The Book of Us: The Demon
Intak
VOICE: The Future is Now
so i had my sister pick which SHINee member she thought was most attractive, and she picked Jonghyun. my other sister had then said, "thats the dead one". it made me so mad. like yes, he passed away, but she could've phrased it better. i don't want him being known as that, i want him being known as a sweet guy, with angelic vocals. she has no remorse and has no idea how much i love and miss him. i know, i know, i know he doesn't want to be known as something sad, so i try my best to think of his happiest/best moments, but it gets hard, since i slightly blame myself. i wish i coul've shown him more love, along with his other shawols, but now he's gone yk? sigh, i'm just going on now. i shouldn't even be upset, i didn't even know him, and i didn't love hum as much as SHINee + friends/family. i have no right to be upset. i'm sorry for even posting this, i just needed to rant.
 

GowonMINT(locked out of other)

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My mom walked in on me having another anxiety attack. She called a child therapist and when we in the car, she scolded me saying things like "your faking it" "You attention seeking whxre" and "How is a psychopath like you my child" at that moment I wanted to jump out of the car into the highway. She was yelling at me and cursing until we got to the therapist (covid19 rules were followed) she threw me in her office and when my mom left it was silence. My mom on the way home kept calling me crazy and a attention. Seeker. And she said all I do is lay around and stay on my phone. She called me a broken child and a psychopath. I really am the problem child. My dad scolded me too and now they took my sister and brother to the store for a treat . my life is glorious isn't it?
 

taesshlong

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Minisode1 : Blue Hour
The Book of Us: The Demon
Intak
VOICE: The Future is Now
My mom walked in on me having another anxiety attack. She called a child therapist and when we in the car, she scolded me saying things like "your faking it" "You attention seeking whxre" and "How is a psychopath like you my child" at that moment I wanted to jump out of the car into the highway. She was yelling at me and cursing until we got to the therapist (covid19 rules were followed) she threw me in her office and when my mom left it was silence. My mom on the way home kept calling me crazy and a attention. Seeker. And she said all I do is lay around and stay on my phone. She called me a broken child and a psychopath. I really am the problem child. My dad scolded me too and now they took my sister and brother to the store for a treat . my life is glorious isn't it?
my father is similar. recently, i was caught screaming and sobbing in my room, so he brought me downstairs and screamed at me, asking whats wrong. i told him what was wrong, still sobbing. he said i wanted attention, and i was insane, a pig, and much more. it wasn't the first time, but it sucked just as much. i'm so sorry you had to go through that, i know exactly how it feels.
 

GowonMINT(locked out of other)

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my father is similar. recently, i was caught screaming and sobbing in my room, so he brought me downstairs and screamed at me, asking whats wrong. i told him what was wrong, still sobbing. he said i wanted attention, and i was insane, a pig, and much more. it wasn't the first time, but it sucked just as much. i'm so sorry you had to go through that, i know exactly how it feels.
Thank you for your sincerity
 

gwslay

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my father is similar. recently, i was caught screaming and sobbing in my room, so he brought me downstairs and screamed at me, asking whats wrong. i told him what was wrong, still sobbing. he said i wanted attention, and i was insane, a pig, and much more. it wasn't the first time, but it sucked just as much. i'm so sorry you had to go through that, i know exactly how it feels.
this is why i dont tell anyone about what happens

also @GowonMINT(locked out of other) I'm sorry that happened if you want to talk feel free to pm me anytime. I'm pretty bad at making people feel better but i can try :]
 
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