pOeMs
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mmm idk i might!
Mathew Ted Jones, known simply as “Angel of death”.
Wanted by all, hated by most, loved by none.
This demon in disguise whispers in their ears -
“I will always find you no matter where you hide or run.”
Son of Eleanor Louise Cowell.
A mother who loved her son dearly-
And his father who was rumored to be many
When she heard what he did she saw who he was clearly.
He wasn't abused, or unhappy
Though he was loved he took an interest in knives-
Most kids would play with toys
Because of this he took so many lives
Because of his past break up
Most of his victims were,
Young girls with long, dark hair
Girls who looked just like Her.
He played with them like chess pieces,
Waiting for the police to make their move-
Taunting their “king” and “queen”.
Beating the bodies to remove their identity.
To the world they already see him as a monster
Doesn't matter if he killed 36
Doesn't matter if he killed over 100.
Whenever someone mentions him they would feel anything but thrilled.
*drip drop* *drip drop*
The sound of blood dripping excites him-.
See his victim unable to move at his mercy.
Looking scared, like vulnerable prey he tears them limb from limb.
Rose Bundy,
Daughter of the city's most dangerous human being.
Disappeared off the face of the earth.
She accepted what her father did in terms of freeing herself.
There would be people who DESPISE the man-
But of course there are women who want his attention.
Changing their hair, changing their clothes, wearing hoop ears to attract his eyes.
To this day, whenever someone mentions his name the place is filled with tension.
“They built this little family on death row”
-Conversation with a Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes
Wanted by all, hated by most, loved by none.
This demon in disguise whispers in their ears -
“I will always find you no matter where you hide or run.”
Son of Eleanor Louise Cowell.
A mother who loved her son dearly-
And his father who was rumored to be many
When she heard what he did she saw who he was clearly.
He wasn't abused, or unhappy
Though he was loved he took an interest in knives-
Most kids would play with toys
Because of this he took so many lives
Because of his past break up
Most of his victims were,
Young girls with long, dark hair
Girls who looked just like Her.
He played with them like chess pieces,
Waiting for the police to make their move-
Taunting their “king” and “queen”.
Beating the bodies to remove their identity.
To the world they already see him as a monster
Doesn't matter if he killed 36
Doesn't matter if he killed over 100.
Whenever someone mentions him they would feel anything but thrilled.
*drip drop* *drip drop*
The sound of blood dripping excites him-.
See his victim unable to move at his mercy.
Looking scared, like vulnerable prey he tears them limb from limb.
Rose Bundy,
Daughter of the city's most dangerous human being.
Disappeared off the face of the earth.
She accepted what her father did in terms of freeing herself.
There would be people who DESPISE the man-
But of course there are women who want his attention.
Changing their hair, changing their clothes, wearing hoop ears to attract his eyes.
To this day, whenever someone mentions his name the place is filled with tension.
“They built this little family on death row”
-Conversation with a Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes
I felt this so much, I always get compared a lot and I hated it then ended up hating myself
Your are you that's what counts there is only 1 you so your are valuable, don't think otherwise
Every poem should have a connection to it.
There should be one thing we feel connected to,
Something that made us who we are today.
A toy we loved so desperately as a kid..
A person in a tv show who we wanted to be..
A book we never got tired of reading…
A friend we went through thick and thin with..
Clothes we loved to wear when we were younger..
Music we feel connected to not -
because of the beat, but because of the lyrics..
A picture we suddenly felt drawn to..
A puzzle with the right pieces can become something beautiful.
There’s something in society
we all feel connected to.
Whether it's a place,
a person..
a thing..
doesn’t matter-
We walk around the surface
feeling connected to the things that give us meaning.
An old man or old women feeling connected to their pets,
Kids feeling connected to their friends from long ago,
Or adults feeling connected to their lover or family.
When you write a story, poem, or a song-
The lyric you write is like a story spilled on the paper.
A story you want people to see and read.
A story that everyone is a part of.
A story that everyone is connected to.
There should be one thing we feel connected to,
Something that made us who we are today.
A toy we loved so desperately as a kid..
A person in a tv show who we wanted to be..
A book we never got tired of reading…
A friend we went through thick and thin with..
Clothes we loved to wear when we were younger..
Music we feel connected to not -
because of the beat, but because of the lyrics..
A picture we suddenly felt drawn to..
A puzzle with the right pieces can become something beautiful.
There’s something in society
we all feel connected to.
Whether it's a place,
a person..
a thing..
doesn’t matter-
We walk around the surface
feeling connected to the things that give us meaning.
An old man or old women feeling connected to their pets,
Kids feeling connected to their friends from long ago,
Or adults feeling connected to their lover or family.
When you write a story, poem, or a song-
The lyric you write is like a story spilled on the paper.
A story you want people to see and read.
A story that everyone is a part of.
A story that everyone is connected to.
thank u. u sound like mama @bambiii rn
(not rlly done w/ this one so sorry-)
“You had a choice of cheating; or breaking up. But, you dug your own grave; you played your own game; you paved your own path….. just don't expect me to be there
"
It has only been a couple weeks-
Yet that was enough time for you to find a new girl.
But hey!
I guess that therapist I found really helped huh?
You lies were like knives, stabbing me in the back repeatedly.
Thing is you never took them out-
If you bother to take them out that is.
But good for you!
You don't seem even bothered that you have a new girl-
Let alone CARE about my well being.
Because of YOU i spend hours, DAYS crying waterfalls in my room
Cause’ in your tiny, one cell, peanut brain
You think it was a good idea to not only LIE to me-
Not even into a MONTH you find a new girlfriend.
“You had a choice of cheating; or breaking up. But, you dug your own grave; you played your own game; you paved your own path….. just don't expect me to be there
"-M
It has only been a couple weeks-
Yet that was enough time for you to find a new girl.
But hey!
I guess that therapist I found really helped huh?
You lies were like knives, stabbing me in the back repeatedly.
Thing is you never took them out-
If you bother to take them out that is.
But good for you!
You don't seem even bothered that you have a new girl-
Let alone CARE about my well being.
Because of YOU i spend hours, DAYS crying waterfalls in my room
Cause’ in your tiny, one cell, peanut brain
You think it was a good idea to not only LIE to me-
Not even into a MONTH you find a new girlfriend.
I totally understand that, but you haven't lost the war you are still alive and that shows how strong you are...
I won't tell you it will get better because when people say that to me it pisses me off, but I will say keep fighting no matter what
All is never lost and take that from a person who has been through a lot... your strong
thanks..ig i wont off myself this year
Your welcome.. wait really omg kas
You better not!
Btw can I ask something?
Could you post like 2 poems per day so I can keep up with reading them?
It would be easier like that but it's ok if you don't want to
Could you post like 2 poems per day so I can keep up with reading them?
It would be easier like that but it's ok if you don't want to
haha mhm
sure! ^^ i have a short story im doing if u want to read it?Btw can I ask something?
Could you post like 2 poems per day so I can keep up with reading them?
It would be easier like that but it's ok if you don't want to
i wont..if it gets better that is
Sure
Even if it doesn't get better don't , I tried to off myself more than 1 times but here I am
At least talk to me if you want someone to talk to and I mean btw you can reach out to me
“Why did I have to have you?! HUH!” My mom said as she's hitting me with a bat not caring if I bleed out or cried out in pain.
“M-mom i-it hurts!” I cried out in pain wanting her to stop but that only made things worse. Of course, if I cry, beg, or let out a scream loud enough for people outside to hear she will beat me to the point I can't get up and lock me up in the basement when you can't see anything.
“SHUT UP YOU F*CKING YOU DISGRACE! I HOPE YOU DISAPPEAR!” With each swing, I can feel her hatred for me as she keeps hitting me with full force, never stopping. Each hit left a sting on my body leaving a dark, ugly, bruising mark on me. At the rate she was hitting my limp body you would think she was trying to kill me.
“AHH! I’M SORRY!” I woke up in a cold sweat. Sweat dripped down my face, shaking like someone is trying to wake me up from my sleep paralysis. I sit up to look around my surroundings.
‘Where- oh I'm at my aunt's house.’ I get up from my bed and waddle into my bathroom to splash some cold water on my face, hoping it would wake me up.
“ I have school tomorrow….I guess I should go back to bed.” I looked up from the sink and flinched at the sight I saw, “C-Come down it...it's just in my head. They're not real” I drag my feet back to my bed, not happy that I have to go to school the next day. I lay in my bed slowly drifting back to sleep not mentally preparing for what's going to happen tomorrow.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEP.
“God shut up!” I said as a hand peeks out from the covers to toss the alarm clock to the other side of the room.
“Hey Alex, it's time to get up sweetie.” My auntie says when she gently knocks on the door waiting for my answer. I groaned as an answer and when she heard that she went downstairs to fix breakfast. You can hear her footsteps slowly fading away, hearing the creaks of the stairs as she gets farther and farther from my room.
‘Time to get ready.’ I said to myself when I force myself to get up and take a hot shower that a normal person would burn their skin if it was sensitive to the heat, when they take a hot shower it makes their skin red like they had stayed out in the sun too long, then put on what you would call “emo” clothes on then I brush my teeth like my life depended on it.
“I dOn’T uNdErStAnD wHy YoU bRuSh YoUr TeEtH ThAt HaRd.” I said, mocking what Mark said yesterday when I told them what I did this morning.
‘Idiots’ I sat on the rails that are connected to the wall that people use to walk down the stairs and slide my way down and hop off the rails.
I’m not a fan of talking to family members so when I come down stairs I grab a piece of toast and head out the door.
“I’m heading out.” I told my aunt without making eye contact, but knowing her she’ll probably try to convince me to eat breakfast.
“But Alex I made break-” I cut her off because 1, I don't want to be late to go to our spot, and 2, I DON'T want to do this now. My parents kinda ruin eating for me, always saying ‘You should stop eating you’re going to get fat.’ ‘your such a fata**’
“Look Auntie, thanks for making breakfast but I don't want any.” And with that I headed out the door, grabbing my stuff for school and sprinted out the door to our meet up spot.
Mark turned around when he heard a pair of feet sprinting toward them “Wow look who decided to show up.”
“S..shut up mark i ran down here.” I breathlessly said as I bent over my knees trying to regain my breath once again.
“Hey bae” Marco said as he got up from sitting underneath a tree, proceeded to make his way toward me and gave me a kiss.
“Hey love. Is everyone here?” I said, not really ready to go to class but then again i don't really have a choice. When everyone nodded in agreement we made our way inside the school and sat in the cafeteria until the bell rang, signaling us to our different classes.
When me and my friends split up going to our different classes I went by Mr. Nick's Office and knocked on his door.
“Um- Mr. Nick, are you here?” I ask nervously, still not used to talking to an adult, let alone an adult who is paid to help or ‘pretend to help or care’.
“Yes im here you can come in.”
When I heard that I opened the door and closed it behind me, I walked up to a bean bag chair and sat down.
“Now what can I do for you Alex?” He said, as he finished typing up what he was doing and faced me. You would think that a therapist's room smelled like old people or had an old vintage smell, but no, his room smelled like coffee with a hint of Cinnamon. Hey, I'm not complaining.
“Hey Mr. Nick.” I said sighing because I REALLY didn't want to be here, but I didn’t have a choice did I? I don’t know why, but he’s the only ADULT that I feel comfortable with and feel like he actually cares about me. Well, besides my friends and boyfriend of course, but my parents made it hard for me to trust anyone let alone an adult.
“What’s wrong Alex? Is it that nightmare again?..” He asked, not looking up from getting the bowl of candy and stuffed animals from his drawer.
I nodded as I went to grab a handful of candy in one hand and grabbed the stuffed Bear in the other. The reason why I have stuffed animals is because I start shaking and fidgeting when I'm venting and eating sweets to calm me down. I guessed he noticed because the next day I came by he had two stuffed animals on his desk and a bowl of my favorite candies. He did say I can't have a lot of candy, so I just take a handful and the bear plushie.
“Was it the same one or a different one?” He asked, writing notes in his notebook. He sometimes lets me write or draw in the back of his notebook if I am in the mood. He’s like a father figure to me, better than my actual “father”, If you can call him a father…..
“No...It was the time I accidentally broke the vase and mom got mad. You can feel her rage throughout the house. She usually uses a belt, a stick, or something that with enough force can leave a mark...Instead, this time she uses a bat. Not just a regular baseball bat, but a metal bat and the way she was hitting me, anyone could feel how she wanted to slaughter me right there on the spot and in this situation, she did. ” I said, gripping the stuff bear like my life as of right now was in danger. And Mr. Nick just stayed silent. Not breathing a single word, the whole room just filled with my voice bouncing off the walls repeatedly.
“ ...she kept hitting over and over and over and over until she could see I wasn't moving. I wasn't dead though I was close to dying, and just as she was about to land the final blow, I woke up…. Only to find out it was all in my head.” I didn’t have to look up to feel the worry from him.
Since I was supposed to be in the first period we talked for an hour until it was time for me to my second block. Math.
I get up from the bean bag,ay bye to Mr. Nick and leave his office.I head to my second class which is math. I walked into the classroom and sat down in my seat playing my music until the teacher came in and started teaching.
It's only been 10 minutes and here I am, already bored out of my mind.
‘Of course I would be bored in math. Math is like the most boringest class ever’ I thought to myself for saying something stupid. I mean at least I got a good grade in this class, even though I rarely pay attention in it.
We’re in class for 90 minutes, so as of right now we have the rest of the class to do whatever as long as we’re quiet. Of course, I decided to go to sleep til the third period and that's how my day went. Went to class. Did work or assignments. Get done early. Get bored. Sleep until it's time to go home.
“M-mom i-it hurts!” I cried out in pain wanting her to stop but that only made things worse. Of course, if I cry, beg, or let out a scream loud enough for people outside to hear she will beat me to the point I can't get up and lock me up in the basement when you can't see anything.
“SHUT UP YOU F*CKING YOU DISGRACE! I HOPE YOU DISAPPEAR!” With each swing, I can feel her hatred for me as she keeps hitting me with full force, never stopping. Each hit left a sting on my body leaving a dark, ugly, bruising mark on me. At the rate she was hitting my limp body you would think she was trying to kill me.
“AHH! I’M SORRY!” I woke up in a cold sweat. Sweat dripped down my face, shaking like someone is trying to wake me up from my sleep paralysis. I sit up to look around my surroundings.
‘Where- oh I'm at my aunt's house.’ I get up from my bed and waddle into my bathroom to splash some cold water on my face, hoping it would wake me up.
“ I have school tomorrow….I guess I should go back to bed.” I looked up from the sink and flinched at the sight I saw, “C-Come down it...it's just in my head. They're not real” I drag my feet back to my bed, not happy that I have to go to school the next day. I lay in my bed slowly drifting back to sleep not mentally preparing for what's going to happen tomorrow.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEP.
“God shut up!” I said as a hand peeks out from the covers to toss the alarm clock to the other side of the room.
“Hey Alex, it's time to get up sweetie.” My auntie says when she gently knocks on the door waiting for my answer. I groaned as an answer and when she heard that she went downstairs to fix breakfast. You can hear her footsteps slowly fading away, hearing the creaks of the stairs as she gets farther and farther from my room.
‘Time to get ready.’ I said to myself when I force myself to get up and take a hot shower that a normal person would burn their skin if it was sensitive to the heat, when they take a hot shower it makes their skin red like they had stayed out in the sun too long, then put on what you would call “emo” clothes on then I brush my teeth like my life depended on it.
“I dOn’T uNdErStAnD wHy YoU bRuSh YoUr TeEtH ThAt HaRd.” I said, mocking what Mark said yesterday when I told them what I did this morning.
‘Idiots’ I sat on the rails that are connected to the wall that people use to walk down the stairs and slide my way down and hop off the rails.
I’m not a fan of talking to family members so when I come down stairs I grab a piece of toast and head out the door.
“I’m heading out.” I told my aunt without making eye contact, but knowing her she’ll probably try to convince me to eat breakfast.
“But Alex I made break-” I cut her off because 1, I don't want to be late to go to our spot, and 2, I DON'T want to do this now. My parents kinda ruin eating for me, always saying ‘You should stop eating you’re going to get fat.’ ‘your such a fata**’
“Look Auntie, thanks for making breakfast but I don't want any.” And with that I headed out the door, grabbing my stuff for school and sprinted out the door to our meet up spot.
Mark turned around when he heard a pair of feet sprinting toward them “Wow look who decided to show up.”
“S..shut up mark i ran down here.” I breathlessly said as I bent over my knees trying to regain my breath once again.
“Hey bae” Marco said as he got up from sitting underneath a tree, proceeded to make his way toward me and gave me a kiss.
“Hey love. Is everyone here?” I said, not really ready to go to class but then again i don't really have a choice. When everyone nodded in agreement we made our way inside the school and sat in the cafeteria until the bell rang, signaling us to our different classes.
When me and my friends split up going to our different classes I went by Mr. Nick's Office and knocked on his door.
“Um- Mr. Nick, are you here?” I ask nervously, still not used to talking to an adult, let alone an adult who is paid to help or ‘pretend to help or care’.
“Yes im here you can come in.”
When I heard that I opened the door and closed it behind me, I walked up to a bean bag chair and sat down.
“Now what can I do for you Alex?” He said, as he finished typing up what he was doing and faced me. You would think that a therapist's room smelled like old people or had an old vintage smell, but no, his room smelled like coffee with a hint of Cinnamon. Hey, I'm not complaining.
“Hey Mr. Nick.” I said sighing because I REALLY didn't want to be here, but I didn’t have a choice did I? I don’t know why, but he’s the only ADULT that I feel comfortable with and feel like he actually cares about me. Well, besides my friends and boyfriend of course, but my parents made it hard for me to trust anyone let alone an adult.
“What’s wrong Alex? Is it that nightmare again?..” He asked, not looking up from getting the bowl of candy and stuffed animals from his drawer.
I nodded as I went to grab a handful of candy in one hand and grabbed the stuffed Bear in the other. The reason why I have stuffed animals is because I start shaking and fidgeting when I'm venting and eating sweets to calm me down. I guessed he noticed because the next day I came by he had two stuffed animals on his desk and a bowl of my favorite candies. He did say I can't have a lot of candy, so I just take a handful and the bear plushie.
“Was it the same one or a different one?” He asked, writing notes in his notebook. He sometimes lets me write or draw in the back of his notebook if I am in the mood. He’s like a father figure to me, better than my actual “father”, If you can call him a father…..
“No...It was the time I accidentally broke the vase and mom got mad. You can feel her rage throughout the house. She usually uses a belt, a stick, or something that with enough force can leave a mark...Instead, this time she uses a bat. Not just a regular baseball bat, but a metal bat and the way she was hitting me, anyone could feel how she wanted to slaughter me right there on the spot and in this situation, she did. ” I said, gripping the stuff bear like my life as of right now was in danger. And Mr. Nick just stayed silent. Not breathing a single word, the whole room just filled with my voice bouncing off the walls repeatedly.
“ ...she kept hitting over and over and over and over until she could see I wasn't moving. I wasn't dead though I was close to dying, and just as she was about to land the final blow, I woke up…. Only to find out it was all in my head.” I didn’t have to look up to feel the worry from him.
Since I was supposed to be in the first period we talked for an hour until it was time for me to my second block. Math.
I get up from the bean bag,ay bye to Mr. Nick and leave his office.I head to my second class which is math. I walked into the classroom and sat down in my seat playing my music until the teacher came in and started teaching.
It's only been 10 minutes and here I am, already bored out of my mind.
‘Of course I would be bored in math. Math is like the most boringest class ever’ I thought to myself for saying something stupid. I mean at least I got a good grade in this class, even though I rarely pay attention in it.
We’re in class for 90 minutes, so as of right now we have the rest of the class to do whatever as long as we’re quiet. Of course, I decided to go to sleep til the third period and that's how my day went. Went to class. Did work or assignments. Get done early. Get bored. Sleep until it's time to go home.
i am SO SORRY its long
(pt2 since it was so long-)
“Yes! We can finally leave this god forsaken place of learning!” Noah excitedly said, basically jumping up and down and acting like he had a a** load of candy to the point that people were looking and whispering at us.
I laugh seeing how Noah was excited to not be in school anymore. To be honest anyone would be excited to not be in school anymore. “Yeah, well you’re not the only one. By the way, where were you? We didn’t see you this morning.” I said I looked at my phone getting a text from my auntie saying she has a surprise for me.
Of course, Noah always has this guilty look on his face when he knows he did something wrong.
“Well you see, I kinda overslept today and just decided to skip 1st and 2nd block.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck as he nervously laughed.
“Of course you did.” I said, rolling my eyes at him jokingly. “Sorry guys, I have to go. My auntie says she has a surprise for me at home, so I should go.”
“Ok that's fine Alex.” My boyfriend came up behind me and pecked my lips.
“I’ll be sure to text you when I get home ok?” I told the rest of them as I kissed my boyfriend goodbye and hugged my friends.
“Ok byee.” My friends and boyfriend said as I walked out of the school and started walking to my aunt’s house. My aunt’s house isn’t that far from the school but it isn’t close to it. I don’t know or understand why but I enjoy walking to my aunt’s house from school because it's quiet and the breeze feels good. The calm and positive energy would help calm me down if I had a bad day at school but today was different. The air was stiff, suffocating almost. The sun did not shine as brightly as it would nor did it feel like it was waving at me, instead it felt like it was piercing into my soul like it was trying to warn me. Shouting, ‘Don’t go home. Don’t believe their lies, they are not what they say they are. They're lying to you Alex. All hell will break loose if you trust them...Don't trust them.’
I ignored the warnings the sun was trying to tell me and headed inside. As I did , I could hear my auntie talking to someone, or talking to people. I went upstairs to take my shoes off and set my bookbag down on my bed when I heard my aunt yelling my name downstairs.
“Alex! Come downstairs I have a surprise for you that I'm sure you will love!” My aunty said with such enthusiasm. Yeah right. So I headed down the stairs and went into the living room where I saw something or Some people I never wanted to see again.
“I thought you guys should try to reconnect and get alone again.” She said as she took a look at my reaction then she frowned. She knows she shouldn’t have done this but she wants her daughter and grandson to get alone again and make things go back to normal. But it can’t go back to normal. If it was ever “normal” in the first place. What is normal? I used to think normal is where kids would go and have fun and get in trouble every once in a while, but now I don't know what normal is anymore. They made me think that being called useless, stupid, piece of sh*t, waste of space, disgrace, pig, fata** anything you can think of. Or they will say “I wish I didn't have you.” “I never wanted you in the first place.” “if you died somewhere don’t expect us to care” “son of a b*tch can’t you do anything right?!” “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DIE ALREADY?!”
You know...The normal stuff.
“Hey Alex how have you been?” My “mom” said to me putting on a motherly smile. Don't pretend like you didn’t f*cking abused me and treated me like sh*t. When she tried to give me a hug I quickly backed away.
“D...Don’t….Don’t touch me!” I yelled at her, Pushing her hand away from me. The hand she used to beat me with, the hand she tried to hug me with. Why are they here? Why? Why? Why why WHY WHY?! I WAS DOING SO GOOD WITHOUT THEM HERE SO WHY?! WHY NOW??!!
“Hey don’t push-”He said, I interrupted him.
“Shut. up.”
“Excuse me?” he said in a tone he always used when he’s pissed or about to hit me. “What did you say?”
I stood there silently, the room around me was spinning in a circle like when your ‘Ring around the rosie’ so much and you get dizzy. It was getting harder to breathe. It felt like someone was choking me, their hand around my neck with a breath I took their grip tighten. When i didn’t say anything, they took this as an opportunity to make sure my auntie wasn’t near hearing range. And after that They degraded me.
“You’re not good enough.”
“I wish i never had you in the first place”
“Do you really think that your auntie cares about you?”
“Nobody cares about you. Nobody likes you, EVERYONE hates you. And its. All. your. FAULT.”
No. Stop it.
“Why do you have to be such a disgrace?!”
Stop it.
“I should have aborted you when I had the chance.”
STOP IT! PLEASE! The last thing i heard was what my mother said when she got done beating me-
“I wish you were never born. I should have k*lled you when i had the chance.”
I woke up in my room on my bed. What happened? Then I realized what happened. I had a panic attack. I haven't had one of those since I first came here and yet they weren’t this bad. Why are they here? I thought that had left me alone. They left me. They abandon ME. They ABUSED me. They caused me so much f*cking PAIN and SUFFERING. So why the hell are they here?! I don't...I don’t want to remember those memories after I tried to lock them away in the back of my mind for so long.
As I was in my thoughts I could hear a stern yet gentle tap that was loud enough on my door, I dragged my feet off my bed and slugged my way to my door and opened it. I saw my auntie in my doorway, she had on the same clothes she had when all that happened. There was something off about her, not only was her smiled extremely forced, but if you stood in front of her face- to- face you can see the sadness in her eyes with a hint of...emotionless.
“Are you ok?” She asked.
“What?” I said. Am I ok? Do I LOOK ok to you?
“Yeah...Yeah no I'm ok.” I said forcing my ‘im ok’ smile on my face. No, I'm not ok. I never have been and THEM being here made it worse.
“sweetie...I know you’re not ok..Please ta-”
“I’m fine.” I said, getting slightly annoyed.
“But-”
“I SAID I’M FINE!” I said, clearly annoyed by the fact she keeps asking me. I closed the door in her face without giving her a chance to keep peering into my soul. To be honest, you could hear the anger and frustration in my voice when I said that. With the recent nightmares, my aunt trying so desperately to help me & my parents, and my not too long ago panic attack hasn’t made my day better. Not only that but with Them here made things so much worse.
As if they heard me closing my door, someone else decided to knock on it. The voice I heard on the other side made me paralyzed me to my soul. Making me feel like I'm 8 years old again barricading my door since it was my only protection against them. But even then they found a way to snatch it away. Of course it would be Him. even after all these years you still have control over me.
“Alex. Open the door Now.” His father said.
Without any hesitation I opened the door slowly.
“Y-yes sir?” I said, stuttering like a 8 year old who got caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing. Except with him, whether you did something or not, good or bad he will find a way to give him an excuse to beat you.
I don’t know if he could sense the fear off of me because he gave me one of his fake ‘fatherly smiles’ that would be able to fool anyone. Anyone who wasn’t me.
He walked into my room like he used to do, pushing me aside before telling me to close the door.
“Is your room soundproof?” He asked. Looking around the room.
“Yes.” I said, hesitantly. Getting uncomfortable from him wandering all over my room like he's trying to see if i will have something to defend myself.
“W..why do you ask?” I said, pretending to not know what he’s in here for.
He walks out into the hallway and brings back a big black duffle bag and sets it on my bed while he goes back to close and lock the door.
“Take your clothes off but your boxers.” He demanded from me.
I obeyed his command like a loyal dog listening to his master not wanting to piss him off. He pushed everything out of the way so he had enough room to beat me in, then he took out a whip, a metal pole, a metal bat, a cloth to put in my mouth to muffle out my screams, and other things to use to beat me.
He then grabbed the metal bat and hit my legs making me fall to the ground. He continued to hit me with the bat for a couple of minutes only to take a break by grabbing something else then go back to beating me. All you could hear in my room was my screams filled with pain and agony, the metal bat hitting my limped body. The bat hitting my body sounds like someone hitting rotten fruit or vegetables, making my conscience go in and out, feeling my leg throbbing so much. Smash. Smash. Smash. He grabbed my hair and smashed my head against the wall repeatedly. At this point it didn’t feel like abuse or a normal beating. No. He was pissed and I was the one who made him pissed.
After what felt like eternity of just plain abuse, he kicked me in the stomach a few times before leaving me. At this point I was already knocked out.
This is fine. He didn’t beat me as hard as he did before. But now I can't get up.
I laugh seeing how Noah was excited to not be in school anymore. To be honest anyone would be excited to not be in school anymore. “Yeah, well you’re not the only one. By the way, where were you? We didn’t see you this morning.” I said I looked at my phone getting a text from my auntie saying she has a surprise for me.
Of course, Noah always has this guilty look on his face when he knows he did something wrong.
“Well you see, I kinda overslept today and just decided to skip 1st and 2nd block.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck as he nervously laughed.
“Of course you did.” I said, rolling my eyes at him jokingly. “Sorry guys, I have to go. My auntie says she has a surprise for me at home, so I should go.”
“Ok that's fine Alex.” My boyfriend came up behind me and pecked my lips.
“I’ll be sure to text you when I get home ok?” I told the rest of them as I kissed my boyfriend goodbye and hugged my friends.
“Ok byee.” My friends and boyfriend said as I walked out of the school and started walking to my aunt’s house. My aunt’s house isn’t that far from the school but it isn’t close to it. I don’t know or understand why but I enjoy walking to my aunt’s house from school because it's quiet and the breeze feels good. The calm and positive energy would help calm me down if I had a bad day at school but today was different. The air was stiff, suffocating almost. The sun did not shine as brightly as it would nor did it feel like it was waving at me, instead it felt like it was piercing into my soul like it was trying to warn me. Shouting, ‘Don’t go home. Don’t believe their lies, they are not what they say they are. They're lying to you Alex. All hell will break loose if you trust them...Don't trust them.’
I ignored the warnings the sun was trying to tell me and headed inside. As I did , I could hear my auntie talking to someone, or talking to people. I went upstairs to take my shoes off and set my bookbag down on my bed when I heard my aunt yelling my name downstairs.
“Alex! Come downstairs I have a surprise for you that I'm sure you will love!” My aunty said with such enthusiasm. Yeah right. So I headed down the stairs and went into the living room where I saw something or Some people I never wanted to see again.
“I thought you guys should try to reconnect and get alone again.” She said as she took a look at my reaction then she frowned. She knows she shouldn’t have done this but she wants her daughter and grandson to get alone again and make things go back to normal. But it can’t go back to normal. If it was ever “normal” in the first place. What is normal? I used to think normal is where kids would go and have fun and get in trouble every once in a while, but now I don't know what normal is anymore. They made me think that being called useless, stupid, piece of sh*t, waste of space, disgrace, pig, fata** anything you can think of. Or they will say “I wish I didn't have you.” “I never wanted you in the first place.” “if you died somewhere don’t expect us to care” “son of a b*tch can’t you do anything right?!” “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DIE ALREADY?!”
You know...The normal stuff.
“Hey Alex how have you been?” My “mom” said to me putting on a motherly smile. Don't pretend like you didn’t f*cking abused me and treated me like sh*t. When she tried to give me a hug I quickly backed away.
“D...Don’t….Don’t touch me!” I yelled at her, Pushing her hand away from me. The hand she used to beat me with, the hand she tried to hug me with. Why are they here? Why? Why? Why why WHY WHY?! I WAS DOING SO GOOD WITHOUT THEM HERE SO WHY?! WHY NOW??!!
“Hey don’t push-”He said, I interrupted him.
“Shut. up.”
“Excuse me?” he said in a tone he always used when he’s pissed or about to hit me. “What did you say?”
I stood there silently, the room around me was spinning in a circle like when your ‘Ring around the rosie’ so much and you get dizzy. It was getting harder to breathe. It felt like someone was choking me, their hand around my neck with a breath I took their grip tighten. When i didn’t say anything, they took this as an opportunity to make sure my auntie wasn’t near hearing range. And after that They degraded me.
“You’re not good enough.”
“I wish i never had you in the first place”
“Do you really think that your auntie cares about you?”
“Nobody cares about you. Nobody likes you, EVERYONE hates you. And its. All. your. FAULT.”
No. Stop it.
“Why do you have to be such a disgrace?!”
Stop it.
“I should have aborted you when I had the chance.”
STOP IT! PLEASE! The last thing i heard was what my mother said when she got done beating me-
“I wish you were never born. I should have k*lled you when i had the chance.”
I woke up in my room on my bed. What happened? Then I realized what happened. I had a panic attack. I haven't had one of those since I first came here and yet they weren’t this bad. Why are they here? I thought that had left me alone. They left me. They abandon ME. They ABUSED me. They caused me so much f*cking PAIN and SUFFERING. So why the hell are they here?! I don't...I don’t want to remember those memories after I tried to lock them away in the back of my mind for so long.
As I was in my thoughts I could hear a stern yet gentle tap that was loud enough on my door, I dragged my feet off my bed and slugged my way to my door and opened it. I saw my auntie in my doorway, she had on the same clothes she had when all that happened. There was something off about her, not only was her smiled extremely forced, but if you stood in front of her face- to- face you can see the sadness in her eyes with a hint of...emotionless.
“Are you ok?” She asked.
“What?” I said. Am I ok? Do I LOOK ok to you?
“Yeah...Yeah no I'm ok.” I said forcing my ‘im ok’ smile on my face. No, I'm not ok. I never have been and THEM being here made it worse.
“sweetie...I know you’re not ok..Please ta-”
“I’m fine.” I said, getting slightly annoyed.
“But-”
“I SAID I’M FINE!” I said, clearly annoyed by the fact she keeps asking me. I closed the door in her face without giving her a chance to keep peering into my soul. To be honest, you could hear the anger and frustration in my voice when I said that. With the recent nightmares, my aunt trying so desperately to help me & my parents, and my not too long ago panic attack hasn’t made my day better. Not only that but with Them here made things so much worse.
As if they heard me closing my door, someone else decided to knock on it. The voice I heard on the other side made me paralyzed me to my soul. Making me feel like I'm 8 years old again barricading my door since it was my only protection against them. But even then they found a way to snatch it away. Of course it would be Him. even after all these years you still have control over me.
“Alex. Open the door Now.” His father said.
Without any hesitation I opened the door slowly.
“Y-yes sir?” I said, stuttering like a 8 year old who got caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing. Except with him, whether you did something or not, good or bad he will find a way to give him an excuse to beat you.
I don’t know if he could sense the fear off of me because he gave me one of his fake ‘fatherly smiles’ that would be able to fool anyone. Anyone who wasn’t me.
He walked into my room like he used to do, pushing me aside before telling me to close the door.
“Is your room soundproof?” He asked. Looking around the room.
“Yes.” I said, hesitantly. Getting uncomfortable from him wandering all over my room like he's trying to see if i will have something to defend myself.
“W..why do you ask?” I said, pretending to not know what he’s in here for.
He walks out into the hallway and brings back a big black duffle bag and sets it on my bed while he goes back to close and lock the door.
“Take your clothes off but your boxers.” He demanded from me.
I obeyed his command like a loyal dog listening to his master not wanting to piss him off. He pushed everything out of the way so he had enough room to beat me in, then he took out a whip, a metal pole, a metal bat, a cloth to put in my mouth to muffle out my screams, and other things to use to beat me.
He then grabbed the metal bat and hit my legs making me fall to the ground. He continued to hit me with the bat for a couple of minutes only to take a break by grabbing something else then go back to beating me. All you could hear in my room was my screams filled with pain and agony, the metal bat hitting my limped body. The bat hitting my body sounds like someone hitting rotten fruit or vegetables, making my conscience go in and out, feeling my leg throbbing so much. Smash. Smash. Smash. He grabbed my hair and smashed my head against the wall repeatedly. At this point it didn’t feel like abuse or a normal beating. No. He was pissed and I was the one who made him pissed.
After what felt like eternity of just plain abuse, he kicked me in the stomach a few times before leaving me. At this point I was already knocked out.
This is fine. He didn’t beat me as hard as he did before. But now I can't get up.
was this inspired by daddy - korn ? it kinda sounds like it /lh
ok!Even if it doesn't get better don't , I tried to off myself more than 1 times but here I am
At least talk to me if you want someone to talk to and I mean btw you can reach out to me